Mum and Dad have been nagging me for ages about getting a job. They say that at the age of three and a half it’s about time I started being more independent. Started contributing more. Started to produce an income of my own. Something about the youth of today and the Bank of Mum and Dad. But by that time I’ve generally lost the will to live and stopped listening!
Anyhow, after giving the matter a great deal of thought, I’ve decided I might like to join the circus.
I considered Trapeze work but I’m not really sure I have much of a head for heights. Besides, without an opposable thumb I’d find it a tad difficult gripping the bar. I also considered Lion Taming but where in the West of England can you find a lion to practice with when you want one? Sword Swallowing even crossed my mind until I realised that they actually swallow those things for real.
Then it hit me. I’d develop a Balancing act. I’d make use of what we dogs call our equilibrioception. What humans refer to as their sense of balance. As anyone with half a brain knows, we German Shepherds in particular have always been big on equilibristics.
So here I am in the back garden rehearsing my balancing act. I call this my Five Stuffed Rings and a Ball on Top of my Head trick. I wanted to give it a nattier name but I needed to make sure humans could understand it!
By the way, the picture on the right? That’s what we Circus Dogs call the ‘dismount’. Note the orderly fashion in which my props fall to the ground, one on top of the other. It takes years of practice that you know. Years of practice.
Anyway, for those of you interested, I’m available for birthday parties, anniversaries, bar mitzvahs, weddings, funerals, christenings, graduation ceremonies, coming out balls, executions and even circumcisions if the money’s right!